


Proof that Celebrities Are A Different Species

by StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese



Series: MISSING: Tales From the Life of a Private Investigator [5]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, POV Outsider, i’m so sorry this took so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese/pseuds/StopIWantToTalkAboutCheese
Summary: After Tristan McLean vanishes and then reappears in a week's time, he had some explaining to do to the private investigator tasked with finding him. Post-The Lost Hero.
Series: MISSING: Tales From the Life of a Private Investigator [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911502
Comments: 14
Kudos: 70





	Proof that Celebrities Are A Different Species

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so... I have no idea if anyone's following this; AO3 is weird, but just in case anyone is, I'm sorry for ghosting you guys for over a month. That wasn't cool. I don't really have an excuse, it's just been a rough couple of months. This installment might not be that great, but I can promise that I'm not abandoning this series.

Everybody knew who Tristan McLean was. The movie star. The action hero. Luka had a signed T-shirt from when he went to Comic-Con a few years back. Luka _and_ Anthony had had crushes on him at some point. 

Which was why it was such a big deal when he vanished, and then came back, in the span of a week.

News stations from Sydney to San Diego were reporting on it. Every YouTuber, Redditor, and Twitter account had an opinion.

All Luka cared about was actually figuring out where this guy had gone, especially since his secretary (Jane? Janet? Jarvis?) had offered him a check with a number that had more zeros in a row than Luka had ever seen in his entire life.

But, truth be told, it was probably a good idea to find the kidnappers anyway. Tristan McLean hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about any details to the police, but Luka was hoping he’d be more open to talking with a freelance PI instead. At least McLean would have the assurance that he wouldn’t sell the story to any news stations. Luka wasn’t big on the media.

The problem was, there was _almost no information_ on the kidnappers. No names, no descriptions– not even a number of perpetrators! Which was ridiculous! This was the twenty-first century! _And_ a celebrity, no less! Those people had cameras on them _all the time._ If nothing else, there would have to be some kind of witnesses! At least they knew where McLean had been found– the Bay Area, in California. It wasn’t much to go on. Luka knew that the police were going over the area with a fine-tooth comb.

But it was _weird._ There was no other way to put it. It was just plain _weird._

Something about the whole situation was bothering him. Maybe it was the way nothing seemed to be lining up. Maybe it was the fact that Piper McLean was still missing. Maybe it was the weird testimony of the Wilderness School kids, who had supposedly seen Piper McLean when she vanished from their field trip. 

But there was no way _that_ story was true. Arizona didn’t get tornadoes. At least, not that often. Plus, as far as Luka knew, tornadoes didn’t tend to shapeshift into delinquent children.

So.

Back to square one.

Closing his eyes, Luka tipped his coffee back and took a long, slow, relaxing drink.

The phone rang.

_Great._

Setting down his coffee with a _thunk,_ Luka picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

He waited. There was no reply.

Luka cleared his throat. “Hello?”

There was another pause, and some shuffling, and then a male voice spoke. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” Luka said. “Who is this?”

“Yeah, hey, is this Luka Alcott?” the voice on the other end said, seemingly not even registering the question.

“Yes,” Luka said. “How can I help you?”

“Uh, I’m Tristan McLean,” the voice said, and Luka’s brain squealed to a stop.

 _“What?”_ he managed.

“I’m Tristan McLean,” Tristan McLean, action star, repeated.

“...Okay,” Luka said blankly. “I– I– wait. Wait! No way! Who is this? Is this a prank call?”

“No,” Tristan McLean, action star, said. “I’m the real deal.”

Huh. Who would have thought?

“All right,” Luka said. “Okay, uh, sir, I’m glad to hear you’re all right. Sir.”

“Thank you,” Tristan McLean, action star, said.

“Um, your daughter,” Luka said, trying to get his brain working again. “Piper. You must be so worried, I have some stuff on her–”

“About that,” Tristan McLean, action star, said, “I need to update you on something.”

“Sure,” Luka said, relaxing a little. Of all of the… _two_ celebrities who had called him before, at least this one seemed relatively nice. He didn’t seem to feel the need to complain incessantly about tabloids, after all.

“I want you to stop looking for her.”

…Didn't mean he wasn’t still nuts, though.

“What?”

“I want you to stop looking for her.”

Luka took a moment to silently bemoan the fact that slightly-deranged celebrities seemed to _delight_ in wasting his time, but grit his teeth and said, “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.”

“Well, I’m sorry, sir, but until the police say so–”

“She’s fine.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“...Um.”

Why were all celebrities completely insane when it came to finding their missing children?

“Okay, sir,” Luka said, balancing a pen and paper on his knee, “do you have any information at all?”

“Um,” Tristan McLean, action star, said. “Well, I couldn’t really tell you.”

_Oh, for the love of God…_

Luka rubbed at his temples. “Sir, Piper McLean– _your daughter_ – is _still missing_ , even if you don’t seem to think so. Do you want to hear what I have on her?” Granted, it wasn’t much, but the kid had definitely been in Quebec last week. Of course, that report had been a little sketchy– apparently she had been with a _dragon_ , a missing boy from Texas named Leo Valdez, _and_ the missing son of Beryl Grace. So Luka was taking it with a grain of salt.

(Honestly, the stories people came up with.)

Plus, Piper had reportedly been wearing a dress– some kind of Greek fashion– and that didn’t sound like her _at all,_ especially based on the descriptions Luka had of her.  


But still, one witness had described it as a “white, kinda floaty, toga-lookin’ dress thing”, and based on other descriptions– such as “white dress that didn’t get dirty, even though her friends were, like, covered in all _kinds_ of gross stuff”, and “pretty, like REALLY pretty, like if you find her give her my number because god _damn_ ”, and “gorgeous. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. Do you think she goes for girls?”, and “it would be an honor to get rejected by her as long as I get to stand within six feet of her”, and “if she doesn’t know I exist, she can’t get a restraining order on me like the others”, just to name a few– Luka had managed to conclude that whatever Piper was wearing, it would stand out.

He had also reported the last witness to the local police.

In any case, it was odd that Piper McLean, notorious kleptomaniac and tomboy, would choose to wear a _dress_. On the run, no less– or kidnapped, as the case may be. Plenty of people were desperate to get their hands on a celebrity’s kid.

“I’m good,” Tristan McLean, action star, said, breaking Luka out of his thoughts. 

“You– you’re _good?” ___

__“Yup. Thanks for your time.”_ _

__“You’re good. You’re _good? _What the hell do you mean, you’re _good? _” Luka was trying very hard not to lose his cool, but he was pretty sure he was failing. “Piper is still gone!”_____ _

______“You shouldn’t call me back,” Tristan McLean, action star, said. “I’m not going to remember this call in the morning. Actually, I’m not going to remember the whole past week in the morning.”_ _____

____

____

_“YOUR! DAUGHTER! IS! MISSING!”_ Luka hollered into the phone.

“Yes, I know,” Tristan McLean, action star, said, not seeming terribly concerned. “Don’t worry, though. I’m not worried, so you shouldn’t be, either. She’ll turn up eventually.” 

“You’re _what–”_

__

__

_Click._

Luka stared in disbelief at the receiver before slowly returning it to its cradle. Shaking his head in astonishment, he could only say one thing: _“Celebrities.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i promise, i have a plot in mind for this thing.


End file.
